Wisdom

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
Bertrand Russell

As I approach my next birthday, I am reflecting on the decades before. In my teens I found myself to know it all. I had everything figured out and didn't worry about anything. I was confident, even if I didn't have any experience at life.

In my twenties, I found the reality of life crushing. I didn't' know anything at all. Worse, as I learned of the things I didn't know, I found I didn't even have an opinion on them. Opinions were what I always counted on in my teens. I was lost.

My father promised that my thirties would be better. More balanced, he said. He was right--to an extent. I have now found my thirst for knowledge drowned by my utter lack of time to study and learn. I now have the drive I wished I had in college, but without the seemingly stretches of hours I had back then for nonsense. There is so much to learn and too little time to do it.

What will my forties bring? My dad doesn't really have an answer for that--except I do remember his "mid-life crisis" starting about then. But that's another post.

What I do hope my forties will bring is some wisdom. I feel I have tasted a little of that recently. A colleague of mine came to me in a panic, feeling he had utterly blown it in a crisis. I listened and listened. I sympathized with his concern. He had gotten awfully emotional.

However, in the end I felt he had followed the procedure and not let his inner panic keep him from the overall goal of safety. But his chief complaint of himself had been that he had not handled it as I would have--calmly and reasonably.



I reminded him I had been through very similar crises many times and that experience had taught me how to handle things with an inner calm. But was this true wisdom? Does wisdom come from experience?

I don't really believe it does. I imagine the assembly worker who can put together a gizmo in record time because he has done it thousands of times. But there is no real wisdom there. Just a great knowledge of gizmo assembly.

If repetitive experience doesn't bring wisdom, then what does?

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure."

William Saroyan

Ah, failure! Of course, that I have plenty of. With some of my failures, I have gotten up, dusted myself off and tried again--this time with some additional skills I didn't have before. And it helped.

Of course, something else I have been realizing is my great thirst for knowledge really does mean one thing--I mustn't have known very much at all before. It's clear to me now, that I am not as smart as I thought I was. I know less now than I used to. I suppose I should be checked by a neurologist.

But really, at least I am bright enough now to know how dumb I am.

(photo credits: Zest-pk, Wonderlane)

Realize Your Potential This Wordless Wednesday!

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Top 10 Signs You Drive People Crazy and What To Do About It

You either fall into the "popular camp" at work; the small group camp or no camp. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Maybe you even
know someone you can forward this to.

Don't panic, there are things can be done. It's like marketing or damage control. Remember, if Hugh Grant and Richard Nixon can do it, so can you.


1. People seem to have a quick excuse to leave your company
Problem: Everyone seems to be really busy around you, even during the off-season.
What you can do: Stick to short, relevant conversations with peers. If you must go off topic, inquire in a friendly way about your colleague's families.

2. Your phone calls always go to voice mail
Problem: It's amazing because it happens even when you KNOW they are there.
What to do: Keep the vmails short and email when possible.




3. No one stops by or even walks by your office, cubicle, etc.
Problem: People take the long way around instead of walking by you.
What to do: Don't tackle anyone who does come along. Just smile at them, and don't start any conversations. If they talk to you, be friendly and don't complain about anything.

4. You frequently eat lunch alone.
Problem: Though you tell yourself it's by your choice, you know it's really everyone else's choice.
What to do: Start eating in the cafeteria, and don't bring any reading material. Be open to conversations, but don't dominate them.





5. If you are talking to someone, suddenly another person always seems to come by needing that person.
Problem: It's the classic "save" technique and this means people have a plan in place in case they get stuck talking to you.
What to do: People are doing this because you are annoying to talk to. Try to improve your social skills. Listen empathetically and let them ask you about yourself.

6. You are never consulted for office parties or gatherings.
Problem: Things just seemed to get decided when you are not around.
What to do: Offer to help take down decorations. No one wants to do this, but it will show you are a team player.

7. You don't have a best friend at work.
Problem: In fact, when you really think about it, you have no friends at work.
What to do: This will take a lot of hard work. Your best bet may be to help mentor a new hire. Talk to your boss about helping new employees learn the ropes. Try to bring in treats for everyone regularly. Bake or buy. Even a veggie tray during the holidays is really appreciated.

8. No one inquires about your holiday plans.
Problem: The sad truth is, people just don't want to know if you will be alone, as they don't want to have to invite you.
What to do: Politely ask about your coworkers plans. They will most likely feel obligated to ask you about your plans. Keep your answers positive and short.

9. No one shares family photos with you.
Problem: When your coworker returns after maternity leave, she doesn't approach you to show pictures of the new baby.
What to do: Ask her in a friendly way when you first see her. Gush and say really nice things about the baby. Don't give advice or talk about your cousin's kids. Offer her your help with any catching up she needs to do.

10. Your boss has stopped teaming you up with others.
Problem: Most of your job duties are solitary and your committee work is minimal.
What to do: Talk to your boss about helping out more and volunteer whenever possible. Try to do considerate things like go on lunch or coffee runs whenever possible. Buy birthday cards for everyone in the office.





These are good steps to take. They will prove you can collaborate, you can be a good friend and you can play nice with others.

(Photo credits: jlastras, archie4oz, cocoate.com)

It's Wordless Wednesday!

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Boundaries Anyone?

Do you say no?

Do you take time for yourself?

Who do you live your life for? Your kids? Your spouse? Your work? Your blog?

Are you a super hero?

Wrong answers.

There's something I just noticed myself doing. I was having another family over for a BBQ and instead of telling them 3pm, which would have been better for me, much better for me, I found myself saying 2:00pm, out of some fantastical theory that that time was better for them, although I had nothing to base that on. Why didn't I just say come at 3?

Since that BBQ, I have been much better with my boundaries. I have even said, "No." a few times (even though I felt mean doing it). I have called in sick when sick, even. I am on a roll. But...

Enter the Holidays.

I received an e-vite for a birthday party. It's for the weekend before Thanksgiving and really NOT what I want to do that weekend. I thought about it. Felt like maybe I could do it. Maybe I could just stay up really late the night before Thanksgiving and get everything done I would've done over that weekend.

But then, my peoples, I got real. I said no. I said, "That's the last weekend before Thanksgiving so I'll have to pass." And I felt pretty bad.





But, get this: I think they actually understood. I felt bad, but they were pretty cool about it. Maybe I was on to something?

Then there was another challenge to my "boundary sobriety". My kids' school sent out information on the Holiday Fair. They wanted volunteers. My kids REALLY wanted me to do a 3 hour shift (that's right--THREE hours). And they said, "Please, please, puuuhhlleeezzzzee?" They gave me that look, too.

But I had to say, "No." Just like that. I told my kids I'd rather spend the extra time with them and that we could stop by the Holiday Fair, but that we would spend time together afterward, at home.

Now I realize I am on a roll, but will soon need to face the biggest holiday, guilt-ridden challenge of all: my mother.

Wish me luck.

(Photo credits: Groene Sint, Tostie14)

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Berlin Zoo & Aquarium, originally uploaded by kacos2000.