Boundaries Anyone?

>> Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Do you say no?

Do you take time for yourself?

Who do you live your life for? Your kids? Your spouse? Your work? Your blog?

Are you a super hero?

Wrong answers.

There's something I just noticed myself doing. I was having another family over for a BBQ and instead of telling them 3pm, which would have been better for me, much better for me, I found myself saying 2:00pm, out of some fantastical theory that that time was better for them, although I had nothing to base that on. Why didn't I just say come at 3?

Since that BBQ, I have been much better with my boundaries. I have even said, "No." a few times (even though I felt mean doing it). I have called in sick when sick, even. I am on a roll. But...

Enter the Holidays.

I received an e-vite for a birthday party. It's for the weekend before Thanksgiving and really NOT what I want to do that weekend. I thought about it. Felt like maybe I could do it. Maybe I could just stay up really late the night before Thanksgiving and get everything done I would've done over that weekend.

But then, my peoples, I got real. I said no. I said, "That's the last weekend before Thanksgiving so I'll have to pass." And I felt pretty bad.

But, get this: I think they actually understood. I felt bad, but they were pretty cool about it. Maybe I was on to something?

Then there was another challenge to my "boundary sobriety". My kids' school sent out information on the Holiday Fair. They wanted volunteers. My kids REALLY wanted me to do a 3 hour shift (that's right--THREE hours). And they said, "Please, please, puuuhhlleeezzzzee?" They gave me that look, too.

But I had to say, "No." Just like that. I told my kids I'd rather spend the extra time with them and that we could stop by the Holiday Fair, but that we would spend time together afterward, at home.

Now I realize I am on a roll, but will soon need to face the biggest holiday, guilt-ridden challenge of all: my mother.

Wish me luck.

(Photo credits: Groene Sint, Tostie14)


stacy di November 23, 2009 at 9:13 AM  

great post! good luck with your new-found boundary sobriety! It feels good, doesn't it?!!

Maggie Madison November 24, 2009 at 9:50 PM  

@stacy di, thanks! and yes, it feels great. now to just get through thanksgiving...