Perfectionism or Jealousy?

>> Sunday, August 17, 2008

In striving to continue to make my life (a work in progress) more nontoxic, I have been told some of my plans reek of perfectionism. I believe perfectionism means striving to be without flaws. In my defense, I feel I am trying to improve, or better myself so I can enjoy my life better.

But I do ask myself if there's anything else wrong with my constant improvements. Could it be lack of confidence? Do I think I am not good enough the way I am?

Again, to my defense, I do have the utmost faith in myself. For example, when I am faced with a problem, I always tell myself I'll figure something out and I always do. I know I have a lot of strengths, including self-awareness.

So, if it's not perfectionism, or lack of confidence, could it be jealousy? Jealousy would be a truly toxic motivation for my quest for a nontoxic life. Yikes! That would be bad for this blog!

I do occasionally compare myself to others. For example, just the other day I was noticing how charismatic my friend is. She is cute, funny and has many friends. Actually, quite a few of my friends are like this. I asked myself if people laugh at my jokes the way they laugh at their's.

The answer was a lot more complicated than I'd like. The truth is, I have gotten a lot more serious and stressed over the last few years and I'm probably not as fun as I used to be.

Does it count as jealousy if I want to be more like I used to be?