I really try to drink, but...

>> Monday, February 9, 2009

When I first began drinking with friends, I was under aged and VERY stupid. I drank for the effect and since I liked it,  I drank more and did other things.

Eventually I began to slow down and not always get drunk. I had other priorities, like school and work. After a friend had a close call with a DUI, I decided I could only drink a very little if I was going to drive.

Along the way, I had the experiences of having not one but three serious boyfriends who were addicts of one kind or the other. I went through all the denial, enabling and codependency the books said I would.

I ended up getting certified in addictions counseling. I learned a LOT from the people in treatment while I was studying.

Once my husband and I decided to try for kids, I did no drinking whatsoever, unless I knew I hadn't gotten pregnant that month. Even then, I began to lose my desire for the effect. I kind of liked the taste of beer, still, though.

After trying to get pregnant, breastfeeding an obscene amount of time and not being 100% sure if I was done having kids, my drinking consists of a plan to have a drink with dinner and then realizing I really didn't have a taste for it, after all.

I just can't drink anymore. I actually try, but something always happens, like I am too tired, or I want sweets instead or it just doesn't sound appealing. Or I want all my faculties because I will be writing later.

Lately, though, I have been on a bit of a binge and had about 4 drinks in the last month. I guess it was the holidays and all the family that comes with it.  The teenager that still lurks inside is ashamed of what a loser I have become.

But really I am glad how things are. I can still (try to) have a beer whenever I want, but I also don't have a drinking problem to prevent me from EVER drinking again.

It's a good place to be.  I want to know how others have waxed and waned in their drinking habits over the years.  Please comment below with your story.

2 comments:

Sheila February 9, 2009 at 8:36 AM  

I have followed much the same path as you.
I was out for dinner on Saturday evening, and had one cocktail as it was a special occasion, that was all.
I like to feel in control of my life!
It's amusing when you are at a social event and people ask what you are drinking. I usually have soda water wth lime....and upon realising that you are not partaking of alcohol assume something is wrong, and you can't possibly be having a good time.
I am not against alcohol, it's just not my beverage of choice!

Maggie Madison February 16, 2009 at 8:15 PM  

I'm glad I'm not alone on semi-abstinent island.