Getting Your Inner Light Relit

No matter what your religion, this is a time of spirituality for many.

It seems to be everywhere. I hear it in the Holiday music. I see it on the street corners. I even feel it, deep down inside.

This is also a time for questioning. Where do I fit in? How do I matter this Spiritual Season? Do I even care?

It's hard for many of us to confront the issue head on. It's an existential question about our future, that is rooted firmly in our past.

How we were brought up, religious or not; spiritual or not; open minded or closed; all combine in a unique recipe of our present reasoning.





It is through this reasoning that we find ourselves here. With questions, doubts or apathy.

Sometimes our inner light simply needs to be re-lit. But to do this, we have to let go of some of our reasoning. We have to let go of the guilt. Once we let go of the guilt there is a space for our Inner Light. It's not a perfect light. Our Inner Light does not have all the answers. Perhaps our inner light is full of questions. It can Seek and Find the right answers for our unique recipe.



Where can you get your Inner Light re-lit? It can be a place of worship. It can be an AA meeting. It can simply be seeing a good deed. The key is we have to allow what we feel to come inside and in it's basic, pure form, relight us.

(photo credits: Francisco Javier Martín, Photos8.com, Lighthelper :) Offline due to heavy workload!)

Wisdom

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
Bertrand Russell

As I approach my next birthday, I am reflecting on the decades before. In my teens I found myself to know it all. I had everything figured out and didn't worry about anything. I was confident, even if I didn't have any experience at life.

In my twenties, I found the reality of life crushing. I didn't' know anything at all. Worse, as I learned of the things I didn't know, I found I didn't even have an opinion on them. Opinions were what I always counted on in my teens. I was lost.

My father promised that my thirties would be better. More balanced, he said. He was right--to an extent. I have now found my thirst for knowledge drowned by my utter lack of time to study and learn. I now have the drive I wished I had in college, but without the seemingly stretches of hours I had back then for nonsense. There is so much to learn and too little time to do it.

What will my forties bring? My dad doesn't really have an answer for that--except I do remember his "mid-life crisis" starting about then. But that's another post.

What I do hope my forties will bring is some wisdom. I feel I have tasted a little of that recently. A colleague of mine came to me in a panic, feeling he had utterly blown it in a crisis. I listened and listened. I sympathized with his concern. He had gotten awfully emotional.

However, in the end I felt he had followed the procedure and not let his inner panic keep him from the overall goal of safety. But his chief complaint of himself had been that he had not handled it as I would have--calmly and reasonably.



I reminded him I had been through very similar crises many times and that experience had taught me how to handle things with an inner calm. But was this true wisdom? Does wisdom come from experience?

I don't really believe it does. I imagine the assembly worker who can put together a gizmo in record time because he has done it thousands of times. But there is no real wisdom there. Just a great knowledge of gizmo assembly.

If repetitive experience doesn't bring wisdom, then what does?

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure."

William Saroyan

Ah, failure! Of course, that I have plenty of. With some of my failures, I have gotten up, dusted myself off and tried again--this time with some additional skills I didn't have before. And it helped.

Of course, something else I have been realizing is my great thirst for knowledge really does mean one thing--I mustn't have known very much at all before. It's clear to me now, that I am not as smart as I thought I was. I know less now than I used to. I suppose I should be checked by a neurologist.

But really, at least I am bright enough now to know how dumb I am.

(photo credits: Zest-pk, Wonderlane)

Nine Things I Can't Blame on the Economy

1. The Weather
This seems to be so random, I can't blame it on anyone. Except a Higher Power who probably has a higher plan, so that's really blameless all around.

2. The Utter Lack of Sleeping Taking Place in My House There are nap strikes. There are adrenaline powered 10 pm bedtimes and one worn out mama. Sheesh.

3. My Irregular Meditation Schedule
This is just my own fault. Really you'd think after reading #2 that I'd have all kinds of reasons to try to chill.




4. Parenting Induced-Attention Deficit Disorder
Seriously I am used to getting interrupted so often, that I can no longer concentrate for more than....Uh, where was I?

5. Technology Problems
My own theory on tech problems is they are a cosmic joke, not a result of over spending, layoffs or the housing market.

6. Critter and Bug Issues
I'd love to blame these littler vermin on someone or something. My friend says, "We are living in their house, remember?" Oh, yeah.

7. Winter is Coming
Now, I know this is related to #1, but I feel it deserves a separate number. In the south, they have no winter, but in the north it's inevitable. Therefore, the only one I can blame winter on is myself, as I choose to live here.



8. My Health
If I am not taking care of myself by getting enough sleep, eating right, meditating and exercising, then I cannot blame recurring sinus issues, back trouble and H1N1 on anyone else.

9. Bullying
There seems to be a relationship between kids bullying and their home and school. But I can only say that both need to educate the kids, give them consequences and not hide under the cozy blanket of denial. When any adult ignores bullying they make bullying powerful




(photo credits: extranoise, Harpersbizarre, mikal-bisnovat, Eddie~S)

September 11, 2009 Patriot Day

I hate this day. I hate what happened 8 years ago. I hate how we seem to be ignoring the biggest disaster I have ever witnessed in my life.

I hate that 9/11 has caused me to hate.

For years now, I have asked for a National Holiday to honor the victims and their families. I feel this should be a day when we look at our loved ones and realize how fortunate we are and thank whichever God we pray to that we have our family right now.

And now we have Patriot Day. This year I thought that would make a difference. But it just seemed like business as usual.

Today is nothing like business as usual. To me, there is still no closure and probably never will be. People went to work that day just like we did today. The difference is they never came home.

September 11, 2010 will be a Saturday and I am going to pretend it's the National Holiday I always wanted. I intend to celebrate life, family and freedom. I will not say, "I hate..." that day. I will instead name the things I have; the things I love.

geocaching, cheap fun or waste of gas?

respres

I recently had my first taste of a geocaching adventure. We looked up coordinates on the Internet, piled into the car and got down to "treasure hunting".

After 30 minutes and three turnarounds, we found the area in which the coordinates and the treasure were hiding. We walked around for a few minutes and one of the kids found it!

luis perez

The "treasure" was a tin full of coins and small trinkets. There was also a ledger. We selected a small bead and added our name and the date to the ledger. We also left behind a quarter as our contribution.

Then, it was off to find a restroom. After that we headed home for lunch. We headed back out in the afternoon, in the opposite direction, with a different set of coordinates, which were more difficult to find.

Finally, after about 45 minutes in the car and 5 turnarounds, we pulled over and found the treasure right away: a plastic bin with photos of people in it, among other things. Since we had read ahead of time to bring a pic to this one, we added one of our neighbor's dog, then took a picture of ourselves, holding the bin.

viZZZual.com

By then the bugs were beginning to come out and rain was threatening, so we headed back.

All in all it wasn't a bad time, but I couldn't help but think of the gas we used on our little adventure. On the other hand, the kids LOVED it and kept talking about the treasure hunt the rest of the day.

However, I am not one to just do things because the kids love it. There needs to be something else in it that's beneficial, like physical exercise, good nutrition, cooperative skill building or education.

As well, we spent a few hours in the car, unable to make too much eye contact, is that really family bonding?

I don't know--I'm leaning toward this not being something we do in a car. Maybe if I hid a treasure at the local park, then let the kids find it, it would be better, and serve another purpose?

Where do you stand on geocaching? Family treasure hunting fun or another example of indifference to the oil crisis?

.schill

PLEASE give me your $.02 on this one! I need to figure out if we'll do this again.

my take on Blogher '09

I went. I networked. I learned.

I attended the session on Friday and went to some great panels.

The opening address was informative! Shout out to all the cool bloggers I met at speed dating:
yummymummytips.com
Mariana Perez-buena suerte con su blog nuevo en espanol!
Christy Casimiro
Stacy Digregorio
Leslie Grimmett--following you on twitter!
Kim Moldofsky
mommywantsvodka.com
Leticia Barr
Debbie @ deliciousbaby.com-she brought her 2 month old baby to Blogher! Talk about walking the walk!

Loved the view of the Chicago River!

First panel: Business of You. Informative. Walked away with the concept of valuing my time and charging other's accordingly. Also, NOT charging an hourly fee, but rather a total project cost. I especially liked Rookiemoms questions.

My favorite, favorite session was Room of Your Own: Your Blog is Great, Get People to Know About It. Thanks to Jessica Knows for tweeting me her marketing ebook after the conference!

I also met Lisa Wahrmund of coleyblog.blogspot.com, who saved a spot in line for me so I could get some coffee. Thanks, Lisa.

At the vegetarian lunch, sponsored by Green Works, I met Amy Thompson, who makes her own laundry detergent! Kinda ironic as the lunch was to introduce Clorox's new laundry detergent.

And last, but not least, thanks to the FreshWidow, for keeping me company in the LONGEST line ever and promising to email me her notes from the session on Business of You: Blog to Book.

It was a great time and my goal is BlogHer '10 in NYC or bust!

am I a liar, liar pants on fire?

Well, I guess I have to put my money where my mouth is, heh.

dbking

Here are the answers to my previous post about lying:

1) how many times per day do you lie?

To others probably 5 or so. Usually white lies, but occasionally, I do tell bigger lies to help someone feel better. To myself, maybe more. I have become quite an optimist, but combined with my obsessive honesty, that equals I probably lie to myself at least 10 times a day.

2) ever been caught in a lie?

Yes, in high school, after assuring my mom I was out with church friends the night before, she bluffed about information she had on my whereabouts the previous night. I caved (I was actually at a party given by non-church goin folks), only to find out later she was lying. She was never able to bluff me again.

3) bloggers: have you lied in a post?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllll. Maybe. OK, yes. Since I blog under a pen name, I am constantly having to change details of my posts so they are unidentifiable. I have also used "creative non-fiction" from time to time, just sayin.

4) readers: have you lied in a comment?

I also comment using my pen name and therefore do the same as stated above. However, I probably am more honest about personal opinions and facts in comments.

5) who knows the REAL you?

Honestly? I'm not sure. People know real facets of me. But the truth is, I am always just getting to know the real me because I change so frequently. I think my constant state of evolvement (read: moodiness) is noted here at yournontoxiclife.com, so you, the reader, probably know me pretty well.

What do think of this short series on lying? Please comment below! Like before, you can be anonymous if you want!

5 questions about lying online and in real life

I recently read a book about how much we, here in the good old USA, lie.  The book, The Day America Told the Truth by James Patterson and Peter Kim, is about a national survey done in 1991, in which people were given up to 1800 questions to answer.  

The people surveyed were guaranteed anonymity and boy did they talk.  They told of adultery, racism, sexual abuse, cheating on their taxes and what they would do for $2 million. 

Since this book is pretty old, I can't help but wonder if the statistics are still relatively accurate. The book says 80 million people feel no one truly knows them.  Not their parents, not their kids, not their spouses.  Not even their best friends.  

This information didn't totally surprise me.  I've noticed the fact that people seem to "white lie" exaggerate and lie by omission an awful lot.  And although I consider myself an honest person, I usually go toward the white lie if the truth has no bigger role than to hurt someone.

I am really curious now.  I'd like to invite readers, and/or bloggers to "Fess Up."

I would like to tag some bloggers (but because I am a newbie I don't know how) so I will open it up to everyone else to answer the following questions:

1) how many times per day do you lie?

2) ever been caught in a lie?

3) bloggers: have you lied in a post?

4) readers: have you lied in a comment?

5) who knows the REAL you?

I will post my answers on Friday and I encourage fellow bloggers to post.  To readers, I ask that you comment.  Feel free to just be an anonymous commenter if you wish.  I'm only after the facts here, not a bust or reality show!

if i could have dinner with the president...

First of all, lots of pictures.  LOTS.

Then...  (I guess this is where the politically intelligent remarks would go.)

Except I really am not interested in all that.

I think I would really be more interested in how the First Family is adjusting to their new life.  

I mean, can you imagine such an upheaval?  First the campaign craziness.  The constant travel, public appearances and the constant question of: will Daddy win?  

So then, Daddy does win.  The whole family, Grandma included, moves 1/2 way across the country to a new house.  The White House.  And Daddy is REAL busy now.

How are they dealing?

Specifically:

1. Has anyone in the family asked Obama to quit? 
   
2. When does Obama manage to spend time with the kids?
3. Do Barry (yes, if I am having dinner with him, we're like that) and Michelle ever get time alone?
4. How's it going with the MIL?
5. Do the kids really like their new school?
6. Does Obama ever see his friends?
7. Has Obama secretly starting smoking again?

So, if you could have dinner with the president, how would it go?  What would you ask?

giving 120% ??

so, recently I met with a man who was looking for a job.  Among other things he mentioned he would give not 100%, nor the popular 110% but he said he would give 120% to the job.

Since I was taking notes about my impressions of him, I wrote down in the margin, "120%".

After he left, I reviewed what I had written, and began adding up the negatives and positives.  Then I came across the said percentage.  I didn't really know whether I should count that as a positive or a negative.

I mean on the one hand, the 110% has come across as a buzz word and been generally accepted as meaning,"someone who gives more than others".  But what if now someone is proposing to give 10% more than that, even?  

On the other hand, is it even possible to give more than 100%?  Which would be giving more than your full amount, I think.  Now I'm no mathematician, but I don't think it's possible.

Is that someone I should recommend for the job?  Do I really want or need someone who gives more than that?

I mulled this over and, realizing there were more candidates to talk to, decided to wait and see.

However there is a greedy part of me that wants to hold out for someone who gives 125% or even 130%.  Maybe we should hold auctions instead of interviews.

female role models, do you know of any?

Uploaded by Army.mil on 14 Nov 08, 11.53AM PDT.

Recently, I spoke to a few young girls I know and the topic of women uniting came up. We talked about how we all have to stick together.

I brought up examples of how women still haven't achieved equality, including the fact that there isn't a National Holiday in the US honoring a woman.

• In January, we have Dr. Martin Luther King Day. A great day to celebrate the civil rights we have and acknowledge our present (and numerous) shortcomings. Dr.King is one of my personal heroes, but he isn't a woman.

• In February, we have President's Day. Since we haven't had a female president yet, this isn't what I am looking for.

• In March, we have Casimir Pulaski day. Yep, he's a he.

• In April, there is Easter. And guess what? Even the Easter bunny is a he. Who decided that? I mean after all he's delivering eggs which must have come from a female at some point...

• In May there is Memorial Day. This holiday actually honors women, too, but it's not just about a great woman. In May we also have Mother's Day and let's face it, it's a little Card Holiday-ish at this point (but thanks honey, anyway!).

• In June, we have Father's Day, which is a male Card Holiday. (And also a necktie Holiday.)

• In July we have Independence Day,which is more of celebration of a concept than a person.

• In August, I can't think of anything.

• In September, the girls said, we have a Holiday honoring women. Really? I asked, which one? Labor Day, they told me. Very funny. Though I believe some of Labor Day had to do with women's work, it's not exclusive.

• In October, there is Columbus Day. A great explorer sent by a queen, but the holiday is in his name, not hers.

• In November, there is Veteran's Day, which does now also honor women, but again not exclusive to any one woman.

• Then we have December and everyone knows Jesus was a man, so...
  

Uploaded by mikebaird on 23 May 09, 3.59PM PDT.

I thought then that these girls and I all might try to come up with a woman after whom we should name a holiday. We sat and thought about it. Hillary came up. Michelle came up. Even Madeleine Albright and Nancy Pelosi came up. OK, the last two were my suggestion.

We thought of Rosa Parks, and Harriet Tubman and Gloria Steinem. Then of course someone brought up Faith Hill, Barbara Walters and Oprah. But sadly enough, there wasn't one woman out there that seemed to have accomplished enough to get herself a holiday.

Uploaded by ego technique. on 13 Feb 09, 5.56PM PDT.

At this point, I was so ashamed I couldn't think of one woman who should get a Holiday out of the many, many woman who have contributed immensely to our progress.

I need some help here because I am really disgusted with myself. PLEASE comment in on who you think deserves a holiday and forgive me for failing on this.

are men being phased out?

I know this seems a little far fetched, but bear with me here.

I was watching an episode of Bones on TV the other night.  In this particular episode, a female character was discussing how she used to date another female.  A male detective was trying to understand this as the woman had just broken off an engagement with a male.  The female scientist, Bones, said, "Woman aren't as confined with their sexuality."

This got me thinking about all those times I've sat around with my female friends and we've discussed how we need more help managing our lives.  We need cleaning ladies, personal assistants, cooks and more emotional support.  In essence, we decided, we need WIVES.

After watching the TV show, I thought about needing a wife myself.  Someone to do the laundry, run children to various events, someone who can cook a low-fat dinner and someone who can let me vent about dramatic people without trying to solve anything.  I do think this fits the job description of many wives, don't you?

Which got me thinking: if women could do all this themselves, will men become obsolete?

I mean, really, I like men just fine (I am married to one-hope he doesn't decide now is the time to read my blog), but are they really going to be necessary in the future?  I mean, besides for sperm, of course.  

Fifty years ago, men were needed to make the money, discipline the kids, coach their teams, drive and make the important decisions.  Today, no one needs a man to do any of those things.

Women can do anything else a man can do.  Some would say women can do it better.

A book I recently read and blogged about on Blogher, called: The Day America Told the Truth by James Patterson and Peter Kim, clearly indicates that women are morally superior to men.   They make better workers and better leaders.  Women make better politicians.

Speaking of which we recently came close to having a woman president and I am convinced that will happen sooner, rather than later.

So, what's left for men to do?  

As the mother of boys, I feel the duty to drum up business for men.  Perhaps a little PR to try to keep the families of tomorrow from downsizing men.  Here is what I have come up with:

• opening jars of pickles
• reaching up high on shelves
• killing spiders
• sex
• beating up other men who have hurt a girl
• providing sperm

OK, so I need a little help here.  In the spirit of ending sexism against any gender, please comment in on more uses for men.  I'd like to think there is a future in society for my boys.

am I wrong?

I wonder if it's fair.  Is it right?  Am I a bully?   Here's the deal.  I have some friends at work.  Well that's sort of not true.  I guess I have a lot of friends at work.  The thing is I only hang out with some of these people outside of work. The reasons are complicated.  Some people, I just don't like all that much.  Other people don't like me all that much.  Some people may like me, but I don't trust them.  They are very gossipy.  In other words, there are only a select few people I like enough to hang around with.   This puts me into a predicament.  I do really sort of like many people while I am at work, mainly because  sort of have to.  And I don't hang out with them.  So when I do get together with my outside-of-work friends I do not tell my other work friends.  It gets awkward sometimes.   Take today, for example, I had planned a little get together after work with a few work friends.  Then another person I work with wanted to do something, so I kind of had to, well, not tell her that my plans were with people she knows.  I just said plans.   Here are my questions for you:   Am I a liar? Is what I do considered exclusion? Anyone else relate?

I'd appreciate any feedback before I head to confession.

I really try to drink, but...

When I first began drinking with friends, I was under aged and VERY stupid. I drank for the effect and since I liked it,  I drank more and did other things.

Eventually I began to slow down and not always get drunk. I had other priorities, like school and work. After a friend had a close call with a DUI, I decided I could only drink a very little if I was going to drive.

Along the way, I had the experiences of having not one but three serious boyfriends who were addicts of one kind or the other. I went through all the denial, enabling and codependency the books said I would.

I ended up getting certified in addictions counseling. I learned a LOT from the people in treatment while I was studying.

Once my husband and I decided to try for kids, I did no drinking whatsoever, unless I knew I hadn't gotten pregnant that month. Even then, I began to lose my desire for the effect. I kind of liked the taste of beer, still, though.

After trying to get pregnant, breastfeeding an obscene amount of time and not being 100% sure if I was done having kids, my drinking consists of a plan to have a drink with dinner and then realizing I really didn't have a taste for it, after all.

I just can't drink anymore. I actually try, but something always happens, like I am too tired, or I want sweets instead or it just doesn't sound appealing. Or I want all my faculties because I will be writing later.

Lately, though, I have been on a bit of a binge and had about 4 drinks in the last month. I guess it was the holidays and all the family that comes with it.  The teenager that still lurks inside is ashamed of what a loser I have become.

But really I am glad how things are. I can still (try to) have a beer whenever I want, but I also don't have a drinking problem to prevent me from EVER drinking again.

It's a good place to be.  I want to know how others have waxed and waned in their drinking habits over the years.  Please comment below with your story.

walking away from a fight?

Not long ago, I found out a friend's child was being bullied in school. Her father talked to me at length about the problem and how it was likely this other little charmer was going to "beat up" his daughter. With having two older brothers, she was up for the challenge. Maybe too up for it.

Her dad was worried that she would actually hurt this other little girl. So, he basically told his daughter to walk away at all costs, even if it meant walking away with a bloody nose. He said it was the right thing to do.

Now, I am a peace loving gal, don't get me wrong. However, at that point in the conversation I had to keep my thoughts to myself. But I can tell you I was thinking, if this little brat hits your kid first she should get hit back. It's only right, right?

Isn't self-defense a valid policy in which people don't get judged or even charged if they are defending themselves?

But then it was Martin Luther King Day. The next day we swore in President Obama as the first African American US president. The president credited Dr. King with making this possible. I was so thankful to Dr. King for this. I felt like I was actually seeing part of his dream with my own eyes. It made me proud to be a US citizen, once again.

I had an "Ah-ha" moment. Dr. King preached non-violence as a way to resist what is unfair. I think my friend is trying to teach this to his daughter in the most relevant way possible.

It IS wrong to hit back. It just continues the violence. How does it end? With a teacher breaking it up, probably. But does that really settle it? The answer is no. If she walks away (and gets help) she stands a chance of actually settling it. She actually walks away stronger.

Good for her.

the great thank you note debate

OK.  I know this will be controversial.  But I have to be brave and take a public stand.  Whew! Here goes:

I am anti-thank you notes. I was not raised to send them, though it wasn't because my family was against it, more like they didn't think of it.  Actually "thank you" was sometimes only said with a cue.

Anyhoo, I grew up and started receiving these little thank you cards with a full paragraph inside which went on and on about how thoughtful my gift was.  At first, I thought the person was strange and that it was really overkill.   These notes actually slightly irritated me.   After all, they already thanked me in person for the gift.  

Then, I started noticing women frantically writing thank you notes after their weddings.  I soon realized that this thank you note business was primarily a female thing.  I even got one after I visited a female family member in the hospital.  I hadn't brought anything with me, but was given a thank note for "being so thoughtful".  While I did get a thank note on occasion from a male, it was rare and seemed to be in the language of their mothers, whom I had received many notes from over the years.  

And then I got a thank you note from a Christmas gift!!  Come on, that is almost passive aggressive in how utterly unnecessary it is.

At one point I actually tried to write my own thank you notes after my baby shower.  I ended up repeating myself a lot and sounding anything but sincere.  I soon went from irritated to actually angry about these little notes. 

Now, let me be clear here.  I am not against thanking people for gifts or actions or jobs well done.  In fact, I think people do not give credit enough.   I am actually a huge fan of the "thank you wave" in traffic when someone lets me in their lane.   

I try to make sure I've thanked the gift giver in person in a specific way as soon as I open the gift and then again when I say goodbye to them.  If it was something above and beyond, I follow up with a phone call.  I have called cashier's manager's when I get really great service.  I have even used email as a way to thank people. 

What I want to know is if I'm alone here on anti-thank you note island.  How do you feel about thank you notes/cards?  If you firmly believe in them, why?  Were you just raised that way?  Do you really feel they are just good manners and that other forms of gratitude aren't as good?

ok to "sneak snack" after kids are in bed?

With the holidays just passing, I have noticed how often I do this. 

Pretty often.  

Almost every night.  

Oh, all right, every single effing night.

Once the kids are nestled in for the night, it's like I am on auto-pilot and before I know it there is a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and whip cream in front of me.  Or cookies. Or brownies.  Or chocolate cake.  Or, well you get the pic.

These are not things I encourage my kids to eat.  They only get the bad stuff on special occasions.  My kids seem to recognize the treat cabinet and have commented on how only mommy and daddy get to eat from it.  

Frankly, I sort of dread the day when the kids stay up as late as me.  Will I have to share the cheesecake?

Putting mommy's potential eating disorder aside, my biggest worry is that I may be setting the kids up to become obese or something.  I have seen experiments involving kids who are not allowed to have sweet treats.  They just gorge themselves when given the chance.  And the kids who get the junk regularly are more blase.

I want to encourage the kids to eat healthy, but will my plan backfire?

I would love to hear comments on this. Have you ever snuck the forbidden snack at your house?  Do you allow your kids to eat treats as often as you do?  

Sometimes It's Worth the Headache

There are times in life that we should let things go. Times we should turn the other cheek. Like getting cut off in traffic. Or when someone bumps into us. When our boss is being an ass. These are times when it isn't worth the headache. It's better for everyone if we just get over it and move on.

However, there are certain occasions when we shouldn't let it go. Sometimes someone needs to stand up and fight. Times when we, or someone else is legitimately wronged. Like crime, bullying, and discrimination. When these kinds of things happen, the right thing to do is stay and try to create change.

When someone is faced with a wrong that they can make right, it is an opportunity that is clearly worth the headache.

I recently observed this happen in a case of discrimination. A boss gave a job to a worker who is disabled and the client refused to work with the disabled person, saying they weren't capable of doing the job. At this point, the boss had a decision to make. He had to ask himself if this was really worth the headache. The headache here could include lost business. On the other hand, this was a golden opportunity to stop discrimination. Even if it meant lost business, it would be for the best possible cause.

What did the boss do? Unfortunately, he did not feel it was worth the trouble. He took the easy way out and told the client he would assign him another worker, causing civil rights to take a small step back. The client learned that discrimination is allowed in this workplace.

Fortunately, the new worker assigned was no dummy. He realized why he had gotten the client and told the boss he wouldn't be a part to it. He said it was wrong to allow the change. He asked how the boss could sleep at night. He told the boss that if he forced him to take the client, he would call a meeting of the higher ups and discuss the whole incident with them. If he was still forced to work for the client, he would do so under public protest.

The boss actually agreed with the worker, but just didn't want the headache. Another worker was assigned but subsequently also refused to take the client. Eventually the boss realized that enough people knew of the situation and decided to save face, albeit late. He told the client the original worker was the right person for the job, period.

Happy ending for civil rights, right? Well, not exactly, after all this, the disabled worker didn't want to work for the client and backed out. So, now no one will work for the client because of his prejudice. This seems like legitimate discrimination, doesn't it?