8 Secret New Year's Resolutions

After Christmas, instead of asking everyone, "How was your Holiday?", I would like to ask, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

This year, I was looking for a little companionship and fun. And to be honest, I didn't really get either.

I have realized that I need more fun and friends in my life. That is why my New Year's Resolution reflects that. I plan on socializing more in 2010. Or how about just socializing at all?

I think this is somewhat the way others determine their New Year's resolution. Every year many get their hopes up. It's called Holiday Spirit. People try to get "into" the meaning of the holiday. Others look to family and to a lesser extent, friends, to fulfill their Holiday Spirit needs.

I believe our secret New Year's Resolutions reflect, what deep down inside, we realized we were missing after the Holiday.

So we move on to improve things. We figure the new year is the answer for what we missed at the holidays.

The following are 8 well-known New Year's Resolutions and their secret counterparts:

1. The most popular not-so-secret New Year's Resolution's is to lose weight. With similar secret resolutions being: to look younger, wear more fashionable clothes, apply make-up more professionally, and of course, have more good hair days.


2. Probably the next most favored resolution is regarding money. Something along the lines of spend less, and/or make more. The connected secret aim is to get a new car, bigger house and more toys.


3. There's the infamous career advancement, which really means I want the boss to like me.


4. Of course, another attractive intention is to have closer relationships, companionship and understanding. These people secretly want love or just better sex.






5. I've also heard a lot about spirituality. People really want inner peace, change, a fresh start/clean slate, less stress, hope, relief, freedom, or just an easier life.


6. Another leading declaration is to be more organized, which translates to having a clean house or just more time in the day.


7. The people who wish to be smarter, declare themselves to want to go back to school.





8. The resolution to quit smoking is sometimes about health, but most often about control.


In my mind there is nothing wrong with trying to improve your life through a resolution, as long as one is committed and can sustain the momentum all year. My 2009 New Year's Resolution was vague, but I think I (barely) managed to sustain it. It was to put more effort into yournontoxiclife. How'd I do?

There may be more to come on the 2010 New Year's Resolution. I may use yournontoxiclife as an online diary of how well I do with making more friends and having more fun. Stay tuned.

Happy New Year!!!


(photo credits: Abigail Silvester, alancleaver_2000, Qfamily, DorkJr)

Getting Your Inner Light Relit

No matter what your religion, this is a time of spirituality for many.

It seems to be everywhere. I hear it in the Holiday music. I see it on the street corners. I even feel it, deep down inside.

This is also a time for questioning. Where do I fit in? How do I matter this Spiritual Season? Do I even care?

It's hard for many of us to confront the issue head on. It's an existential question about our future, that is rooted firmly in our past.

How we were brought up, religious or not; spiritual or not; open minded or closed; all combine in a unique recipe of our present reasoning.





It is through this reasoning that we find ourselves here. With questions, doubts or apathy.

Sometimes our inner light simply needs to be re-lit. But to do this, we have to let go of some of our reasoning. We have to let go of the guilt. Once we let go of the guilt there is a space for our Inner Light. It's not a perfect light. Our Inner Light does not have all the answers. Perhaps our inner light is full of questions. It can Seek and Find the right answers for our unique recipe.



Where can you get your Inner Light re-lit? It can be a place of worship. It can be an AA meeting. It can simply be seeing a good deed. The key is we have to allow what we feel to come inside and in it's basic, pure form, relight us.

(photo credits: Francisco Javier Martín, Photos8.com, Lighthelper :) Offline due to heavy workload!)

Wisdom

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
Bertrand Russell

As I approach my next birthday, I am reflecting on the decades before. In my teens I found myself to know it all. I had everything figured out and didn't worry about anything. I was confident, even if I didn't have any experience at life.

In my twenties, I found the reality of life crushing. I didn't' know anything at all. Worse, as I learned of the things I didn't know, I found I didn't even have an opinion on them. Opinions were what I always counted on in my teens. I was lost.

My father promised that my thirties would be better. More balanced, he said. He was right--to an extent. I have now found my thirst for knowledge drowned by my utter lack of time to study and learn. I now have the drive I wished I had in college, but without the seemingly stretches of hours I had back then for nonsense. There is so much to learn and too little time to do it.

What will my forties bring? My dad doesn't really have an answer for that--except I do remember his "mid-life crisis" starting about then. But that's another post.

What I do hope my forties will bring is some wisdom. I feel I have tasted a little of that recently. A colleague of mine came to me in a panic, feeling he had utterly blown it in a crisis. I listened and listened. I sympathized with his concern. He had gotten awfully emotional.

However, in the end I felt he had followed the procedure and not let his inner panic keep him from the overall goal of safety. But his chief complaint of himself had been that he had not handled it as I would have--calmly and reasonably.



I reminded him I had been through very similar crises many times and that experience had taught me how to handle things with an inner calm. But was this true wisdom? Does wisdom come from experience?

I don't really believe it does. I imagine the assembly worker who can put together a gizmo in record time because he has done it thousands of times. But there is no real wisdom there. Just a great knowledge of gizmo assembly.

If repetitive experience doesn't bring wisdom, then what does?

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure."

William Saroyan

Ah, failure! Of course, that I have plenty of. With some of my failures, I have gotten up, dusted myself off and tried again--this time with some additional skills I didn't have before. And it helped.

Of course, something else I have been realizing is my great thirst for knowledge really does mean one thing--I mustn't have known very much at all before. It's clear to me now, that I am not as smart as I thought I was. I know less now than I used to. I suppose I should be checked by a neurologist.

But really, at least I am bright enough now to know how dumb I am.

(photo credits: Zest-pk, Wonderlane)

My Weekly Swear Chart

Swears overheard in church: 3

My out loud swears:approx. 300

Swears said in my head:approx. 4, 572

Gestural Swears: 2

Swears during traffic: 13

Times I've sworn at work:approx. 203

Swears aimed toward a certain PERSON: 28

Swears aimed toward myself: 397

Online swears: 27

Number of bloggers I follow who swear in posts: 6

Grumbled Swears: 5,814

T e x t swearing: 99

Swears on TV: 8

Extended family induced swears: 9,650

Accidental-on-purpose swears: 26

F-Bombs dropped around my mother: 49

F-Bombs dropped BY my mother: 112

Swears while writing this post: 7

Boss related swears out loud: 0

Boss related swears held in: I forget

technology can be so toxic

So I have had a very tech-challenged week. Lemme break it down for you:

Sunday

Heated eyelash curler, not working.  Being a good problem solver, I recharge batteries.  Now will only get hot with hours of teasing and foreplay; not unlike myself.  Crisis pending.  

Monday

Printer offline at work.  But, not realizing that, I attempt to print all kinds of confidential sh!t and later realized it was all lost in some cyber space printing cue and could randomly print when I wasn't there.  So much for THAT job.  Luckily tech people were able to save me from myself.  Crisis averted.

Tuesday

Newish G1 fancy phone "dies".  An hour of frustration and panic lead me to realize that when the battery is dead, recharge.  Crisis averted.

Wednesday

Lost all access to 'layout' in blog.  Everything reverted to 'template'. Hours of frustrating search, leading me to a 2 minute fix that my youngest child could've done.  Crisis averted.

Thursday

Child's electronic toy, which provides me time to write about tech problems and such, seizes up. LONG minutes on hold with said electronic toy company end abruptly when smallest child informed me he "reset it" by turning off and on.  Crisis averted.

Friday

Certain battery operated private item dies at absolutely the wrong time.  No "D" batteries in house and no DH to help, either.  Royal buzzkill.  Crisis pending.

Saturday

Find out why garage smells like dirty baby butt.  Garbage has not been taken away due to paperless bill being sent to wrong email address.  Apparently the person who received it did not pay.  Crisis pending.

if i could have dinner with the president...

First of all, lots of pictures.  LOTS.

Then...  (I guess this is where the politically intelligent remarks would go.)

Except I really am not interested in all that.

I think I would really be more interested in how the First Family is adjusting to their new life.  

I mean, can you imagine such an upheaval?  First the campaign craziness.  The constant travel, public appearances and the constant question of: will Daddy win?  

So then, Daddy does win.  The whole family, Grandma included, moves 1/2 way across the country to a new house.  The White House.  And Daddy is REAL busy now.

How are they dealing?

Specifically:

1. Has anyone in the family asked Obama to quit? 
   
2. When does Obama manage to spend time with the kids?
3. Do Barry (yes, if I am having dinner with him, we're like that) and Michelle ever get time alone?
4. How's it going with the MIL?
5. Do the kids really like their new school?
6. Does Obama ever see his friends?
7. Has Obama secretly starting smoking again?

So, if you could have dinner with the president, how would it go?  What would you ask?

what would you sell?

If I owned a store, I would sell natural products and recycled products.

I would sell concentrated solutions for cleaning counters, bathrooms, toilets and laundry stains. The containers would be small and people would only need to add tap water in their own bigger spray bottles.

I would sell homemade, natural soaps made with vegetable products and custom scented with essential organic oils.

There would also be similar shampoo, with custom ingredients.

Next would be natural candles, and recycled candle holders.  The candle holders would be made from old ashtrays, old glass lampshades and old silver plated trays.

I also envision other former pieces of junk turned into useful items: like old screen doors made into bulletin boards, old mantles made into headboards or wall decorations and old chairs made into new chairs.  And many other miscellaneous items made into coffee tables and cocktail tables.

I like the theme of my dream here, though I have no serious plans to open such a store.

What would you sell if you owned a store?  Comment back and let me hear your dream!

giving 120% ??

so, recently I met with a man who was looking for a job.  Among other things he mentioned he would give not 100%, nor the popular 110% but he said he would give 120% to the job.

Since I was taking notes about my impressions of him, I wrote down in the margin, "120%".

After he left, I reviewed what I had written, and began adding up the negatives and positives.  Then I came across the said percentage.  I didn't really know whether I should count that as a positive or a negative.

I mean on the one hand, the 110% has come across as a buzz word and been generally accepted as meaning,"someone who gives more than others".  But what if now someone is proposing to give 10% more than that, even?  

On the other hand, is it even possible to give more than 100%?  Which would be giving more than your full amount, I think.  Now I'm no mathematician, but I don't think it's possible.

Is that someone I should recommend for the job?  Do I really want or need someone who gives more than that?

I mulled this over and, realizing there were more candidates to talk to, decided to wait and see.

However there is a greedy part of me that wants to hold out for someone who gives 125% or even 130%.  Maybe we should hold auctions instead of interviews.

are men being phased out?

I know this seems a little far fetched, but bear with me here.

I was watching an episode of Bones on TV the other night.  In this particular episode, a female character was discussing how she used to date another female.  A male detective was trying to understand this as the woman had just broken off an engagement with a male.  The female scientist, Bones, said, "Woman aren't as confined with their sexuality."

This got me thinking about all those times I've sat around with my female friends and we've discussed how we need more help managing our lives.  We need cleaning ladies, personal assistants, cooks and more emotional support.  In essence, we decided, we need WIVES.

After watching the TV show, I thought about needing a wife myself.  Someone to do the laundry, run children to various events, someone who can cook a low-fat dinner and someone who can let me vent about dramatic people without trying to solve anything.  I do think this fits the job description of many wives, don't you?

Which got me thinking: if women could do all this themselves, will men become obsolete?

I mean, really, I like men just fine (I am married to one-hope he doesn't decide now is the time to read my blog), but are they really going to be necessary in the future?  I mean, besides for sperm, of course.  

Fifty years ago, men were needed to make the money, discipline the kids, coach their teams, drive and make the important decisions.  Today, no one needs a man to do any of those things.

Women can do anything else a man can do.  Some would say women can do it better.

A book I recently read and blogged about on Blogher, called: The Day America Told the Truth by James Patterson and Peter Kim, clearly indicates that women are morally superior to men.   They make better workers and better leaders.  Women make better politicians.

Speaking of which we recently came close to having a woman president and I am convinced that will happen sooner, rather than later.

So, what's left for men to do?  

As the mother of boys, I feel the duty to drum up business for men.  Perhaps a little PR to try to keep the families of tomorrow from downsizing men.  Here is what I have come up with:

• opening jars of pickles
• reaching up high on shelves
• killing spiders
• sex
• beating up other men who have hurt a girl
• providing sperm

OK, so I need a little help here.  In the spirit of ending sexism against any gender, please comment in on more uses for men.  I'd like to think there is a future in society for my boys.

memory lane

This afternoon I took a trip down memory lane-literally.   I had a conference I needed to be at near where I grew up.  I ended up driving a bit from the hotel to find my favorite lunch place.   On my way to lunch, I drove by the hospital where we used to meet my grandma's ambulance when she had her heart attacks.   Then I drove through the town where the neighborhood child molester relocated.  I don't know exactly where he lives, but every time I drive through there, I always look at every driver to see if it's him.  I don't know what I will do if I ever come face to face with him.   My next turn took me past my old high school, where I remembered getting dumped by this gorgeous guy via a passed note.  Those were the days.   I drove by the fancy restaurant where all the popular girls went after prom.  It looks like such a dump now.   Next I drove past the huge house of a party I went to once.  I met a guy who, after I made some stupid mistakes, had the decency not to take advantage of me.  Still embarrassing to think about.   I also drove by an entrance to the freeway that I used to take only when I went to my country home.  I lived out there for 6 months with a guy.  I still have mixed feelings about whole the thing.   Then I drove back to the conference for the rest of the day.   After the conference, I took a different way home.  A way I rarely take.  I really had to pay attention so I didn't miss my turns.    I saw a lake I had never seen before.  There were new houses being built near one intersection.  I passed a cool looking little Italian grocery store.  Before I knew it, I was home.

am I wrong?

I wonder if it's fair.  Is it right?  Am I a bully?   Here's the deal.  I have some friends at work.  Well that's sort of not true.  I guess I have a lot of friends at work.  The thing is I only hang out with some of these people outside of work. The reasons are complicated.  Some people, I just don't like all that much.  Other people don't like me all that much.  Some people may like me, but I don't trust them.  They are very gossipy.  In other words, there are only a select few people I like enough to hang around with.   This puts me into a predicament.  I do really sort of like many people while I am at work, mainly because  sort of have to.  And I don't hang out with them.  So when I do get together with my outside-of-work friends I do not tell my other work friends.  It gets awkward sometimes.   Take today, for example, I had planned a little get together after work with a few work friends.  Then another person I work with wanted to do something, so I kind of had to, well, not tell her that my plans were with people she knows.  I just said plans.   Here are my questions for you:   Am I a liar? Is what I do considered exclusion? Anyone else relate?

I'd appreciate any feedback before I head to confession.

church: a second home

I just had a conversation with a friend about church. It became even more evident to me that I am not the only one who has been searching for a place to call (church) home.

My history with churches has been long and winding. My parents had an attitude that I would make my own decisions regarding church. They did not belong to any church nor did they sway me in any way. In some ways they allowed me to "experiment" with different churches.

I began attending a church for holiday pageants through nursery school and later girl scouts. Then I attended a church with the neighbor kids. I actually liked that church for a while, but eventually found out they didn't like me.

Apparently my tendency to smoke cigarettes and swear like a truck driver (thanks, dad) didn't go over well. In the end, a boy I had a crush on was given the task of asking me to leave-permanently.

I did not attend church for a long time. I guess I was feeling a little put off (read: bitter) by the last experience.

Finally I took the plunge again to a church I had visited briefly as a kid with my dad. The doors opened to me. Really. I felt like I was coming home and although it had been remodeled since I had last been there 25+years ago, I still got the feeling of welcome and comfort that I remembered.

They tell us at every service, "Visitors are welcome to attend all church functions and meetings." To me, that says welcome more than anything else. People also light candles for little concerns all the way to HUGE concerns and all levels of joy. I love that.

This experience has renewed my faith in the openness of people.

I really try to drink, but...

When I first began drinking with friends, I was under aged and VERY stupid. I drank for the effect and since I liked it,  I drank more and did other things.

Eventually I began to slow down and not always get drunk. I had other priorities, like school and work. After a friend had a close call with a DUI, I decided I could only drink a very little if I was going to drive.

Along the way, I had the experiences of having not one but three serious boyfriends who were addicts of one kind or the other. I went through all the denial, enabling and codependency the books said I would.

I ended up getting certified in addictions counseling. I learned a LOT from the people in treatment while I was studying.

Once my husband and I decided to try for kids, I did no drinking whatsoever, unless I knew I hadn't gotten pregnant that month. Even then, I began to lose my desire for the effect. I kind of liked the taste of beer, still, though.

After trying to get pregnant, breastfeeding an obscene amount of time and not being 100% sure if I was done having kids, my drinking consists of a plan to have a drink with dinner and then realizing I really didn't have a taste for it, after all.

I just can't drink anymore. I actually try, but something always happens, like I am too tired, or I want sweets instead or it just doesn't sound appealing. Or I want all my faculties because I will be writing later.

Lately, though, I have been on a bit of a binge and had about 4 drinks in the last month. I guess it was the holidays and all the family that comes with it.  The teenager that still lurks inside is ashamed of what a loser I have become.

But really I am glad how things are. I can still (try to) have a beer whenever I want, but I also don't have a drinking problem to prevent me from EVER drinking again.

It's a good place to be.  I want to know how others have waxed and waned in their drinking habits over the years.  Please comment below with your story.

i hate death

I mean really?  Whose idea was this anyway?  To put us here to struggle, learn, and struggle until we are just starting to see the lights begin to go on around us and finally inside, when bam!

It's gone and things are dark for everyone.

Then time goes by and heals the dark.  But soon the light stealer is back and he's taking hostages.

Innocence is lost.  Children realize too early how mortal we all are.

Death really sucks.

walking away from a fight?

Not long ago, I found out a friend's child was being bullied in school. Her father talked to me at length about the problem and how it was likely this other little charmer was going to "beat up" his daughter. With having two older brothers, she was up for the challenge. Maybe too up for it.

Her dad was worried that she would actually hurt this other little girl. So, he basically told his daughter to walk away at all costs, even if it meant walking away with a bloody nose. He said it was the right thing to do.

Now, I am a peace loving gal, don't get me wrong. However, at that point in the conversation I had to keep my thoughts to myself. But I can tell you I was thinking, if this little brat hits your kid first she should get hit back. It's only right, right?

Isn't self-defense a valid policy in which people don't get judged or even charged if they are defending themselves?

But then it was Martin Luther King Day. The next day we swore in President Obama as the first African American US president. The president credited Dr. King with making this possible. I was so thankful to Dr. King for this. I felt like I was actually seeing part of his dream with my own eyes. It made me proud to be a US citizen, once again.

I had an "Ah-ha" moment. Dr. King preached non-violence as a way to resist what is unfair. I think my friend is trying to teach this to his daughter in the most relevant way possible.

It IS wrong to hit back. It just continues the violence. How does it end? With a teacher breaking it up, probably. But does that really settle it? The answer is no. If she walks away (and gets help) she stands a chance of actually settling it. She actually walks away stronger.

Good for her.

10 things I am seriously annoyed about right now

So, if Kristi can post on 10 things she is loving right now, I can post on 10 things I am seriously annoyed about right now.

1.  The cold.  Groundhog saw his shadow and I am doomed to 6 more weeks of blah!

2.  Tantrums.  They are sucking the life right out of me.

3.  Reruns.  Really?

4.  Not being able to run outside.  Too dark and too cold.

5.  Dry, cracked hands.  I guess it's my own fault, cuz I hate gloves.

6.  Not being able to afford ANYTHING.  But saving is teaching me how to appreciate things, right?

7.  Not getting a thank you wave in traffic.  It's just common courtesy.

8.  Bad hair days.  Flat on top and frizzy, static all over.  I'm so pretty.

9.  Guilt over venting to you all instead of trying to be nontoxic.

10.  Time is flying too fast.  My kids are bigger and I am older each day.

OK, I feel better.  But if I've just brought you down, visit Kristi for HER nontoxic post.

new social networking site

I recently discovered a new social networking sight that acts kind of like a matchmaker.  You join and the site asks you for "stuff", meaning things you like and use.  Then they match you up with people who use similar stuff. 

The new site is acobay.

Is anyone else on acobay?  Love to see you there!

This has been an endorsed post.

i just wanted a new cable company

That's all. I thought, OK, new year, time to finally change the phone, Internet and cable. After all, I have been putting up with overpriced, crappy service for many years and there's a new company in town. Why not?

My history with my current company goes back quite a few years. They were my first cable company from before I met my husband. They gave me my first monthly fee cable box and my first taste of MTV, HBO and the OJ Simpson trial in its entirely.

Some would say my connection to them sounds sentimental. But I think it's just a comfort level. Over all these years, I've become accustomed to: rising nickel and dime fees, the cost of replacing remote controls and the additional expenses of digital phone and high speed Internet. I have gotten used to the long hold times and unreliable installers when we moved. But the cable company always followed me. And I was fine with that. I knew what to expect. It was the known evil.

Then a new cable company came to town. At first, I ignored their shiny white vans and sparkling brochures. Bu then I talked to people who took the plunge and saw their remotes. Very different from mine. Weird. Actually kind of wrong. Messed up. NOT the remote control I was used to.

But then this year I decided enough is enough. I am paying way too much for so little and the new company offers actual customer service, sustainable low prices and better options. I could have a DVR!

I went online and found a deal with cash back, DVR, and more channels. I did my online application and hit "confirm" before I could chicken out.

I counted down the days until the date of installation I had selected on their website. The two hour window came and went. Something just didn't smell right. At 2:01 pm I called. At 2:25 pm I spoke to someone who transferred me to dispatch. He talked to me for 6 minutes, told me he couldn't help me and gave me a number to call. They told me there was no installation scheduled because my Internet application never went through. She said the people she needed to consult with to get to the bottom of this were busy. It was now 3:01 pm. She offered to call me back.

At 3:21 my phone rang and it was them! She began going through what I was sure was a preinstallation checklist. But then I began to realize her questions were so basic I was back at square one; as in I was signing up for the first time. It was now 3:29 and almost 90 minutes of my life was gone. Never to be returned.

I had also heard so many times, "I'm so sorry." that I wanted to throw up.  I hung up. The new cable dream was dead.

At least I can take comfort in my remote control, right?

cut the drama, queen!

OK, so I have been told I am a bit of a drama queen at times. And OMG! I'm so not. However, just in case there might be a teensy bit of maybe in there, I am willing to consider it. So I've done a drama evaluation of my life and come up with the following:

• I may have some shopping cart rage
• I get sucked into other people's drama ALL THE TIME
• When I have been on the phone with customer service and they apologize 85 times, I become, well, let's say, unaccepting of any more I'm so sorries.
• Don't mess with my kids. Let's leave it at that.

So, now that I have found evidence that there actually is a slight bit of truth in the accusation that I am a drama queen, I am going to show how un-dramatic I can be in solving this.

First, at the check out, I have been experimenting with letting the other person go first in a shopping cart face off. I like the feeling that I decide they will go first. I am still in control, so it's working so far.

Second, ALL the other people and their dramatic lives. Seriously. This is a doozie. I think my real problem here is I just care too much. OK, not really, but I do think I take in other people's troubles as if they were my own. Shocking, coming from a social worker, I know. So, I am trying to be sympathetic, but no too involved in all the issues my friends and coworkers seem to have on an ongoing basis.

Third, the customer service thing is when my inner b*&ch really comes out. I am trying to write the customer service people's names down while I talk to them and focus on the fact that they didn't personally try to screw me, it was their company. And also focus on the fact that their job has to suck when they deal with people like me. I'm getting so much better.

Lastly, I get very defensive when people criticize my kids. I mean they might be little deviants but they are my deviants. Whatever they do, they probably learned from Mommy so that crap always feels like it is aimed right at me. But lately I am trying to be more of a team player parent. So with that in mind, maybe the little buggers actually learned some of this stuff from DADDY. I might be onto something there; I'll just redirect my rage. Problem solved.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  Every year on this day, I think back to how awful things used to be in this country with regard to race.  Things were unbelievably bad.  I look back on my own life and have seen improvements in even the last few years, but I have also seen and heard things which lead me wonder when we'll ever live out Dr. King's dream.

I think part of the solution will lie with the next generation.  I have purposely made sure my children live in a diverse neighborhood, with all kinds of people: black, Asian, Indian, white, Latino, single dads, single moms, and physically impaired people.  

I have really encouraged my kids to play with children that are from different backgrounds.  I expose my child to different religions whenever I can.  I plan on talking to them about Dr.King and his dream.  

Of course, children learn best from example and I try to lead in a diverse way.  Racial and ethnic slurs are big-time taboo in our house.  I have spoken up to family members when their children were making derogatory statements about an ethnic group.   I was quite pissed about that. 

The other part of the solution will have to come with this generation.  Us.  You and me.  We need to examine the prejudice in our own lives.  For me, I know I have to work harder to find people from other racial and ethnic groups with which to be friends.  

In addition, I plan on coming up with a Martin Luther King Day tradition for me and my family and I'd love some ideas. I'd also like to know how other people instill respect in their kids and in their own lives.